Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
I'm an archaeologist and my life is in ruins.
I learned about electricity today it was lit.
A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.
Go to Italy, Rome around and pasta time.
Met this girl on a dating site and i don't know, we just clicked.
I hate negative numbers and will stop at nothing to avoid them..
I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'm going to be in 5 years, I don't have 2020 vision.
Thanks for explaining the word 'many' to me, it means alot.
My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk i'm willing to take.
I wasn't going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind
How do you comfort a grammar fanatic? Their, they're, there.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
When life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.
I never understood odourless chemicals, they never make scents.
How good are you at powerpoint?
I Excel at it.
I tripped over my girlfriends bra, seemed to be a booby trap.
A good artist knows where to draw the line
I should have been sad when my flash light batteries died, but I was delighted.
People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren't idiots. That would be stereotyping.
I've been thinking about learning Braille, but its a bit of a touchy subject.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig... It's not a beautiful poem but it's very deep.
I am so tried of auto correct jokes.
Ed has no girlfriend because Sheeran away.
I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.
Don't invest into funerals because its a dying industry.
My puns are not bad they are tearable.
do not trust atoms.. they make up everything!
I met a woman with twelve boobs. Sounds weird, dozentit?
The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
My friend told me ten puns to try to make me laugh. No pun intended.
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