Jokes, Puns & Other Fun

115 Funny Insults to Bring Laughter Not Tears

Last Updated: July 4, 2023

Discover our hand-picked collection of light-hearted and clever insults to bring laughter and playful banter among friends and family. These witty insults are perfect for friendly roasting sessions, icebreakers or a tool to difuse tension in a social situation. You can unleash these savage yet friendly jabs to lovingly tease and make fun of your friends.

Reminder:These insults are meant to be enjoyed in a playful manner, ensuring the fun doesn't get too serious. Get ready to share some laughter and create unforgettable moments which hopefully don't get too heated!

  1. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
    Funny insult about curing the world
  2. You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
  3. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
  4. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
  5. If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.
  6. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
  7. I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.
  8. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
  9. You're so fake, Barbie is jealous.
    Funny insult about being as fake as barbie
  10. I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!
  11. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
  12. You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
  13. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  14. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
  15. Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
  16. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
    Funny insult about being stupid
  17. Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
  18. I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
  19. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
  20. Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.
  21. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
    Funny insult about stupid people.
  22. You, sir, are an oxygen thief!
  23. Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.
  24. Why don't you go play in traffic.
  25. Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
  26. I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
  27. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
    Intelligent yet funny insult
  28. Stop trying to be a smart ass, you're just an ass.
  29. The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
  30. 'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  31. You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
  32. If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.
  33. Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.
  34. I can lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.
    Insult about being ugly vs being fat
  35. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable... like a coma.
  36. Shock me, say something intelligent.
  37. If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.
  38. Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there.
  39. You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse.
  40. Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid.
    Funny insult for being stupid.
  41. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  42. You get ten times more girls than me? ten times zero is zero...
  43. There is no vaccine against stupidity.
  44. You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
  45. Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission.
  46. How old are you? - Wait I shouldn't ask, you can't count that high.
  47. Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives, you should go get one.
  48. You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.Funny insult about monday mornings.
  49. Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me?
  50. All day I thought of you... I was at the zoo.
  51. You're so fat, you could sell shade.
  52. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
  53. Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
  54. To make you laugh on Saturday, I need to you joke on Wednesday.Funny insult about having dumb delayed reactions.
  55. My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
  56. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
  57. If you really spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
  58. Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.
    Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go - funny insult
  59. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
  60. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?
  61. You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.
  62. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
  63. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
  64. Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
  65. You're so dumb that you got hit by a parked car.
  66. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
    Insult about saying something intelligent
  67. You're so fat, you leave footprints in concrete.
  68. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
  69. Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
  70. Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.
  71. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull
    Hilarious insult about having a empty skull..
  72. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
  73. Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.
  74. We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
  75. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
  76. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
    Creative yet funny insult about crayons.
  77. I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong.
  78. I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the little voice in my head screaming 'What a load of rubbish!'
  79. You cause joy whenever you go.
  80. You are the reason a bottle of shampoo has direction.
  81. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection, and it's not strong
  82. You're so dense, light bends around you.
  83. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
  84. You're as useful as a waterproof teabag.
    Funny roast about being like a waterproof teabag.
  85. You're like a dictionary—old, out of date, and nobody really uses you anymore.
  86. If laughter were a currency, you'd be broke.
  87. I'm not saying you're stupid, but if there were a zombie apocalypse, you'd be the first to bring a spoon.
  88. You're so clumsy, you could trip over a wireless network.
  89. If they had a contest for the most clueless person, you'd probably forget to show up.
  90. You're not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example.
  91. You're so slow, you make sloths look like Olympic sprinters.
  92. You're the human equivalent of a participation award.
  93. You're so gullible, I could sell you air and you'd buy it.
    Funny insult about being guillible
  94. Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick.
  95. You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
  96. You're not just a clown; you're the entire circus.
  97. If idiocy were an art form, you'd be a masterpiece
  98. You're as useful as a chocolate teapot.
  99. You have the multitasking skills of a snail on sedatives.
  100. If laughter were a disease, you'd be the cure.

Extra Funny Nonsense Insults

If you thought the previous insults were amusing, get ready for an extra dose of nonsensical funny insults. These extra silly insults make no sense, but they provide an additional level of humor precisely because of this.

  1. You have the dance moves of a rubber duck on roller skates
    Funny Insult which makes no sense
  2. You're a marshmallow in a world of pineapples
  3. You have the memory of a goldfish with amnesia
  4. You have the wit of a snail on vacation
  5. You have the fashion sense of a rainbow-colored banana
  6. You're as fierce as a cuddly teddy bear with a permanent smile
  7. You possess the strategic genius of a squirrel playing chess against a walnut
  8. You possess the hunting instincts of a vegetarian shark
    Nonsensical Funny Insult
  9. Your agility is comparable to a turtle on a trampoline.
  10. You have the comedic timing of a rubber chicken on a trampoline
  11. You have the problem-solving skills of a confused penguin in a desert
  12. You're a walking dictionary of gibberish and tomfoolery
  13. You're a maestro of the nonsensical symphony, conducting chaos with finesse
  14. Your attention span is shorter than a hummingbird on an espresso binge
  15. You have the comedic timing of a rubber duck hosting a stand-up comedy show

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We hope these funny insults weren't too savage for you. If they were a bit overwhelming, perhaps you should follow up your insult with a funny compliment or you can change the subject completely and try telling one of our seriously funny jokes.