List of the Funniest Jokes

Last Updated: October 3, 2022

Our hand-picked list of the funniest jokes that we could find, ranked based on how funny they are to you. These short and hilarious jokes are have been selected for the soul purpose of making people laugh, make sure you tell these jokes to your friends and family to get them giggling too.

Jokes are voted by you!

Every week we update this list to prioritise the funniest jokes, help us improve the page by voting on how funny you find the jokes. Press the thumb up icon to let us know you found the joke funny and the thumb down icon to let us know perhaps the joke isn't as good as we thought!

Top 10 Funniest Jokes

The jokes below are the top 10 voted by you as the most hilarious jokes we have.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors, it's just something I could really see myself doing.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why is there a fence around a cemetery? People are dying to get in.

Newly Added Jokes

Each week we will add new jokes below, these have either been submitted to us or we have found them funny enough to share with you. Vote on the jokes if you think they are funny, if a joke gets enough votes we'll add them to the page.

What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant!
What did the needle say to the thread? Quit poking me in the eye!
What do you call a perverted magician? David cop-a-feel!

Jokes to be Removed

The jokes below have been continuously downvoted over the past weeks. If you think they are still funny and should be kept on our list, give them a thumb up. If you think they should be removed vote them down. If the below jokes are still disliked by your votes, we'll remove them from this list.

What do you call a dishonest reptile? A crookadile.
Why should a sea lion be a detective? Because he can always sea you lion.

More Funny Jokes

Continuing on below is the rest of our list of the funniest jokes, these jokes didn't make the top 10 but we still found them very funny.

My neighbor suntans topless, my wife is against it but I am on the fence.
Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet? They got stuck at C.
I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
Why was the picture sent to jail? It was framed.
How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
I taught my pet wolf how to meditate. Now he's aware wolf.
Two antennas got married.. the ceremony was ok, but the reception was excellent.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
When will the little snake arrive? I don't know but he won't be long...
How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket!
How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke him up.
Did you hear about the baguette at the zoo? It was bread in captivity.
Somebody stole my microsoft office and they're going to pay - you have my Word.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Because he couldn't control his pupils!
My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
What has three letters and starts with gas. A Car.
When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato whilst on a family walk? Ketchup.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
Just remember - you never really completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him go faster, if anything it made him more sluggish.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing! They fast!
My friends bakery burnt down yesterday. Now his business is toast.

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Submit your funny jokes to us

If you know of a funny joke which you think deserves to be on our list then don't hestitate to send it to us via our submission page. If we think the joke is good we'll add it to this page!

More Jokes & Puns

Looking for more humorous content? Check our list of the funniest puns, page of the best pick up lines or try reading our page of funny dad jokes