List of Funny PunsLast Updated: August 28, 2021
Funny puns are a great way to make somebody laugh, they are a type of funny word play which relies on words that have multiple meanings. This list contains a variety of clever, short and corny puns which have been selected to make you laugh. Pun.me has been providing puns on the internet since 2015 so we sure know which puns are the funniest!
Updated weekly by your votes!
This list contains 100+ funny puns and is ranked by your votes! You can click the thumbs up and thumbs down buttons to vote on puns that you find funny, this will help us improve the list to contain only the best puns. Every week we'll add a selection of funny puns and we will also update the order of the page to reflect your votes.
Top 10 Funniest Puns
The puns below are the funniest 10 puns, as voted by you as the best puns that we have.
- I don't trust stairs... they are always up to something.
- He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
- My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. But I didn't 1 2.
- Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
- Did you hear about the man who lost his left side? He's all right now.
- Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
- My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
- If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
- I should have been sad when my flash light batteries died, but I was delighted.
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
Newly Added Puns
Each week we will add new pun in this section which have been submitted to us or we have found them ourselves to share. Vote on the newly added puns if you think they deserve to be on our list of the funniest puns, if a pun gets enough votes we'll add them to the page.
- I took up fencing. The police insist I have to give it back.
- You shouldn't play poker in the jungle because there are too many cheetahs.
More Funny Puns
The remainder of the funny puns on these page didn't make the top 10 but are all still great and worth reading for a good chuckle.
- My grandma is on speed dial and now I call her instagram.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
- How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
- I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.
- For a fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.
- I wrote a song for a tortilla. Well, its more of a wrap.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. But I've never met herbivore!
- He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
- He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
- If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet!
- I'm going to buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot?
- I don't think I need a spine. It's holding me back.
- I tripped over my girlfriends bra, seemed to be a booby trap.
- I asked a Frenchman if he played video games, he said wii.
- I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
- I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. It turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time!
- Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
- How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
- I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.
- What's a cow eating grass? A lawn mooer.
- After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent.
- The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line
- What do you call a pig who does karate? Pork chop!
- Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die!
- Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet!
- Stop with the blind jokes...I dont see the point.
- Did you hear about the kid napping? He woke up.
- Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.
- I was addicted to soap... I'm clean now.
- I'm going to stand outside, if anyone asks where I am tell them I am outstanding.
- A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.
- Thanks for explaining the word 'many' to me, it means alot.
- I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it...
- I make apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
- When I asked my dog how his day was he said it was rough.
- Go to Italy, Rome around and pasta time.
- I couldn't figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it clicked.
- It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
- She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
- Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
- It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty... but he had a great fall.
- Why didn't the crab share it's toys? It was too shellfish!
- I've got a chicken-proof front lawn. It's impeccable!
- You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
- I use to be a baby but I grew out of it.
- Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.
- The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
- Jokes with punch lines can be painfully funny.
- Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.
- I hate carrying my luggage around the airport, I rest my case.
- There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
- An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
- Life as a yo-yo has its ups and downs.
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- A criminals best asset is his lie ability.
- I use to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me!
- My friends say I'm getting fatter. In my defence I've had a lot on my plate recently.
- When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
- Pun of the day is very important. As seven days without a pun makes one weak.
- If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you.
- My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk i'm willing to take.
- Ed has no girlfriend because Sheeran away.
- My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
- The painter was hospitalized due to too many strokes.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
- Why do they put fences around cementeries? Because people are dying to get in!
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
- My new diet consists of aircraft, however its a bit plane.
- Shout out to people who don't know what the opposite of in is!
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus.
- I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
- When he proposed to her, she found it very engaging.
- Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
- The butcher walked backwards into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- She didn't marry the gardener. Too rough around the hedges.
- A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
- I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie ever.
- What is Forest Gump's facebook password? 1forest1
- What happens when a sheep, a drum and a snake fall from a cliff BA DUM TS.
- Cows lie down in the rain to keep each udder dry.
- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, I'll serve you, but don't start anything
- I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it go faster - but it just made it more sluggish.
- I've been thinking about learning Braille, but its a bit of a touchy subject.
- Tight leather jackets are hard to pull off.
- By shear coincidence, all these sheep look the same.
- My friend told me ten puns to try to make me laugh. No pun intended.
Share your funny puns with us
Do you know a funny pun that is not on this list? Send it to us via our submission form and if we find your pun hilarious we will add it to this page!