List of Funny Puns

Last Updated: October 2, 2021

Funny puns are a great way to make somebody laugh, they are a type of funny word play which relies on words that have multiple meanings. This list contains a variety of clever, short and corny puns which have been selected to make you laugh. Pun.me has been providing puns on the internet since 2015 so we sure know which puns are the funniest!

Updated weekly by your votes!
This list contains 100+ funny puns and is ranked by your votes! You can click the thumbs up and thumbs down buttons to vote on puns that you find funny, this will help us improve the list to contain only the best puns. Every week we'll add a selection of funny puns and we will also update the order of the page to reflect your votes.

Top 10 Funniest Puns

The puns below are the funniest 10 puns, as voted by you as the best puns that we have.

I don't trust stairs... they are always up to something.
Did you hear about the man who lost his left side? He's all right now.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
I should have been sad when my flash light batteries died, but I was delighted.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
I wrote a song for a tortilla. Well, its more of a wrap.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent.

Newly Added Puns

Each week we will add new pun in this section which have been submitted to us or we have found them ourselves to share. Vote on the newly added puns if you think they deserve to be on our list of the funniest puns, if a pun gets enough votes we'll add them to the page.

More Funny Puns

The remainder of the funny puns on these page didn't make the top 10 but are all still great and worth reading for a good chuckle.

You shouldn't play poker in the jungle because there are too many cheetahs.
My grandma is on speed dial and now I call her instagram.
Did you hear about the kid napping? He woke up.
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
I took up fencing. The police insist I have to give it back.
For a fungi to grow you must give it as mushroom as possible.
What's a cow eating grass? A lawn mooer.
I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.
He wears glasses during math because it improves division.
I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. But I've never met herbivore!
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
I'm going to stand outside, if anyone asks where I am tell them I am outstanding.
He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.
I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.
Go to Italy, Rome around and pasta time.
What do you call a pig who does karate? Pork chop!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
I make apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
I don't think I need a spine. It's holding me back.
I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my property over the weekend, my neighbour is dead against it...
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. It turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time!
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line
Be kind to your dentist because he has fillings too.
If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet!
I'm going to buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot?
Thanks for explaining the word 'many' to me, it means alot.
I tripped over my girlfriends bra, seemed to be a booby trap.
How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
I've got a chicken-proof front lawn. It's impeccable!
I asked a Frenchman if he played video games, he said wii.
I was addicted to soap... I'm clean now.
Why didn't the crab share it's toys? It was too shellfish!
It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty... but he had a great fall.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die!
I use to be a baby but I grew out of it.
Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.
You didn’t hear about the three big holes in the ground? Well, well, well.
I couldn't figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it clicked.
Stop with the blind jokes...I dont see the point.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
A man died today when a pile of books fell on him. He only had his shelf to blame.
I hate carrying my luggage around the airport, I rest my case.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.
Life as a yo-yo has its ups and downs.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
When I asked my dog how his day was he said it was rough.
A criminals best asset is his lie ability.
My friends say I'm getting fatter. In my defence I've had a lot on my plate recently.
My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. But I didn't 1 2.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.
The painter was hospitalized due to too many strokes.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
My room mates are concerned that I'm using their kitchen utensils, but that's a whisk i'm willing to take.
Jokes with punch lines can be painfully funny.
Shout out to people who don't know what the opposite of in is!
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
My wife tried to apply at the post office but they wouldn't letter. They said only mails work here.
Ed has no girlfriend because Sheeran away.
An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
It's true I don't like soap, but you don't have to rub it in my face!
I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
I use to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me!
The butcher walked backwards into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving is not for you.
There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
Pun of the day is very important. As seven days without a pun makes one weak.
Why do they put fences around cementeries? Because people are dying to get in!
Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
My new diet consists of aircraft, however its a bit plane.
When he proposed to her, she found it very engaging.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
She didn't marry the gardener. Too rough around the hedges.
A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie ever.
What is Forest Gump's facebook password? 1forest1
What happens when a sheep, a drum and a snake fall from a cliff BA DUM TS.
Cows lie down in the rain to keep each udder dry.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, I'll serve you, but don't start anything
I've been thinking about learning Braille, but its a bit of a touchy subject.
I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it go faster - but it just made it more sluggish.
Tight leather jackets are hard to pull off.
By shear coincidence, all these sheep look the same.
My friend told me ten puns to try to make me laugh. No pun intended.

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