The Best Dad Jokes

Last Updated: February 22, 2021

As the name suggests, a dad joke is a type of joke, stereotypically told from the perspective of a dad or middle-aged man. Dad jokes are funny because of their use of unoriginal humor and overused puns.

Our list contains a variety of the best dad jokes that we could find, these jokes should get a groan-worthy reaction from the audience. A good dad joke can be measured by a groan, eye-rolling and any generally any negative reaction.

Our Funniest Dad Jokes

Our top selection of dad jokes which are guaranteed to make you laugh.

• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  
• What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
• Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
• I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
• Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
• Did you hear about the baguette at the zoo? It was bread in captivity.
• How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
• What's brown and sticky? A stick.
• I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

One-line Dad Jokes

A selection of concise and straight forward dad jokes delivered in a single line.

• Bad puns are how eye roll.
• The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
• Don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something.
• Whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now.
• I like waiters, they bring a lot to the table.
• My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently.
• I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better.
• Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in.
• I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks tell them I'm outstanding.
• You should always knock on the fridge before opening it just in case there's a salad dressing.
• A guy tried to sell me a mirror but I knew it was a scam, I could see right through it.
• I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
• I once ate a dictionary, it gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
• I would avoid the sushi if I was you, it’s a little fishy.
• I hate it when people say age is only a number, age is clearly a word.
• My 3 favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
• I have this strange talent that I can always guess what's inside a wrapped present - It's a gift.
• Sundays are always a little sad but, the day before is a sadder day.
• I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work.
• The rotation of earth really makes my day.
• A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night, oof.
• I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
• Saturday and Sunday are strong days because the others are just weekdays.
• I was gonna tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
• I was driving my bread car and it caught alight, now it's toast.
• I have a fear of elevators, I'm taking steps to avoid them.

More Hilarious Dad Jokes

More standard dad jokes, perfect for any sense of humour incorporating a mix of corny puns and dry humor.

• What do you call a can opener that's broken? A Can't opener.
  
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
• Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
• What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
• What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
• My friend has designed an invisible aeroplane but I can't see it taking off.
• Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
• What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
• Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
• This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
• I built an electric fence around my garden and my neighbour is dead against it.
• Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
• What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
• What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
• To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.
• I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts
• Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
• A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
• Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
• I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
• Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
• I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
• What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos
• People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
• What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A Slipper.
• How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
• You know what actually makes me smile? My facial muscles.
• I am reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
  
• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
• To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
• Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
• I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of Sprite. When I got home I realised I'd only picked 7up.
• When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
• What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
• I purchased a deodorant stick today, instructions say "remove cap and push up buttom" I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely.
• What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
• To the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts.
• What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
• 2 years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf, I haven't heard from him since.
• Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
• As i suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
• After you die what part of your body is the last to stop working? Your pupils, they dilate.
• How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.
• Dark is spelled with a C not a K because you can't C in the dark.
• Did you hear about the guy who cut off the left side of his body? He's all right now.
• What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
• You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trum-pet.
• What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
• Based upon my shameful behaviour after drinking, I finally decided to quit drinking altogether. Now I drink alone.
• How does a meteorologist go up a mountain? They climate.

Jokes for dads to their sons

Finally we end our collection with this subtype of dad joke, which are specifically written to be answered by a dad. If your son asks you one of these questions be prepared with these corny answers!

• Son: Dad, did you get a haircut?
  Dad: No I got them all cut.
• Son: Dad can you put on my shoes for me?
  Dad: I'll try but they might not fit!
• Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
  Dad: No sun.
• Son: Dad, can you put the cat out?
  Dad: I didn't know it was on fire.
• Son: I'll call you later.
  Dad: Don't call me later, call me Dad.
• Son: Dad, I'm hungry!
  Dad: Hi Hungry, I'm Dad.
• Son: How much do all of our bones weigh?
  Dad: A Skele-ton.
• Son: How do I look?
  Dad: With your eyes.
• Son: There’s something in my eye.
  Dad: Looks like an eyeball!

Dad Jokes Reactions

Did these dad jokes make your friends or family laugh? We'd love to here the reactions you got from these jokes, send us a message via our submission form to let us know which was your favorite.

More Funny Jokes

Looking for more funny humor? Check out our weekly updated page of really funny jokes or perhaps browse one of our other funny content pages.