50 Crime Puns about criminals, jail and prison!

A quality collection of crime puns about criminals, jail, prison and the law. Our best pun-based jokes are below, for more snappy concise puns jump down to our second section more aimed at social media captions and snappy sayings.

Best Crime Puns

1. You heard about drug dealers being interrogated by the police? They do crack.
   
2. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months!
   
3. Stealing someone's coffee is called mugging
   
4. A criminals best asset is his lie ability.
   
5. Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
   
6. Being friends with assassins is a bad idea. They're all backstabbers.
   
7. The case against a donut thief was full of holes.
   
8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
   
9. Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.
   
10. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
    
11. I got a small ticket for speeding. It's fine with me.
    
12. I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
    
13. My drug dealer cracks me up.
    
14. If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
    
15. How did the hackers get away? No idea. They must have randomware.
    
16. Why did the criminal take a bath before he robbed the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
17. Why did the thief break into the bakery? He kneaded the dough.
18. Did you hear about the man who stole a vacuum cleaner? He got away clean.
19. Why did the policeman go to bed? Because he wanted to catch some sleep!
20. I'm in a lawsuit with a pen company. I just can't seem to draw the line.
21. Why don’t criminals ever play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when they can’t even find themselves!

The next three sections are crime related puns tailored more for social media captions or one liners you can directly to someone. They’re more playful and have practical uses such as occasion cards or pick up lines rather than straight up punny jokes!

Criminal Puns

21. You're a steal... but don't get caught.
22. Caught you red-handed – stealing hearts again?
23. You look like you’ve done time... in front of the mirror.
24. Total robbery — how are you this fine for free?
25. You belong in jail... for killing that outfit.
26. Smooth criminal vibes today.
27. You just committed a fashion crime... and I’m the witness.
28. That smile should be illegal.
29. This should be against the law...
30. I came. I saw. I confessed.

Prison/Jail Puns

31. I'm not locked up, but I’m definitely guilty.
32. Behind bars — but only the good kind.
33. Serving looks, not sentences.
34. Doing time... for looking this good.
35. Wanted: for slaying 24/7.
36. Jail time? Nah, just FaceTime.
37. You’ve got me in solitary flirtation.
38. You’d look good in stripes... but I prefer you free.
39. Paroled from bad vibes only.
40. Breaking out — of my comfort zone.

Law/Justice Puns

41. The verdict is in: guilty of being hot.
42. Objection... you're too cute.
43. On trial for stealing the spotlight.
44. Overruled — I’m doing it anyway.
45. Innocent until proven legendary.
46. This is unlawfully good.
47. Pleading guilty... to good taste.
48. Booked and busy. Mostly booked.
49. Court is in session — and you just lost the case.
50. I rest my case... after one more selfie.

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