Funny PoemsLast Updated: March 13, 2021
A hand-picked selection of funny poems suitable for adults and kids. These poems are sure to make you laugh due to their silly but hilarious use of english language.
We have split this page into two sections to make it easier to find poems you can enjoy. One section for short funny poems and the second section is for longer poems which are still humorous while telling a funny story.
Short Funny Poems
Short and quick to read poems to make you laugh, silly yet funny rhymes in a short amount of time.
There once was a man from Peru.
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night.
With a terrible fright.
To find out his dream had come true!
Our school trip was a special occasion.
But we never reacher our destination.
Instead of the zoo.
I was locked in the loo.
of the toilet at the service station!
An elderly man called Keith.
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair.
He'd forgot they were there.
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.
When I'm old and mankey.
I'll never use a hanky.
I'll wee on plants.
and soil my pants!
All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight!
That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face,
And someone else is in my place!
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on the knife!
She fell into the bath tub.
she fell into the sink.
she fell into the rasberry jam.
and came out pink!
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty.
What happened to you!
There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.
If I were a furry bear.
And had a furry tummy.
I'd climb into a honey jar
And make my tummy yummy!
There once was a child in Spain.
Who loved to play in the rain.
One day he tripped.
And broke his hip.
Now he is in serious pain.
Last night at dinner we had some fish,
and though I tried, I did not finish.
My mother told me while I chewed,
brains loved fish over all other food.
She avoided my eye contact,
and ticked my work in green.
But she knew trhat her body smells,
were foul and quite obscene.
My dog is quite hip.
Except when he takes a dip.
He looks like a fool,
when he jumps in the pool,
and reminds me of a sinking ship.
From time to time,
one needs a rhyme,
and if you're bright
you use this website.
Longer Funny Poems
This section contains poems which are still funny, but instead of being just a quick read they tell a story over a long humorous poem.
About the Teeth of Sharks by John Ciardi
The thing about a shark is—teeth,
One row above, one row beneath.
Now take a close look. Do you find
It has another row behind?
Still closer—here, I’ll hold your hat:
Has it a third row behind that?
Now look in and...Look out! Oh my,
I’ll never know now! Well, goodbye.
Smart Phone - Dumb User by Rick W. Cotton
My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not.
Amazing what all this here smart phone has got.
TV and Weather and Internet, too.
There's just no limits to what it can do.
Check my blood pressure and my temperature
Without even probing all my apertures.
I now know the time in Paris or Greece.
I can track the migration of thousands of geese
Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map.
Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at?
A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots
Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not).
Push this here button and take me a "selfie."
(If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?)
Email to pester with, video to shoot,
Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot!
A compass to guide me home if I'm lost.
Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!).
The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell.
What he would have thought of it, no one can tell,
But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw.
Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe,
They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all
...But how do I just simply make a phone call?
The Snakes at School by Pamela J. Langdon
It wasn't that we hated school.
The creek enticed us more.
My mate and I hung out there
To chase frogs, catch fish, explore.
One day we built a fortress,
Moved rocks and tied some stakes.
Then we saw a wondrous sight -
A ball of baby snakes.
We should have pondered longer,
But we thought our find so cool.
We stuffed the snakes into our bags
And took them back to school.
Just as the school bell jangled
And the halls began to fill,
We flung the snakes along the floor.
Then screams rang loud and shrill.
We expected just a ripple,
A tiny bit of fun.
Some girls might get a little fright
And some may even run.
Instead, it was a tidal wave.
Chairs and lockers tumbled
As kids and teachers panicked.
Our confidence soon crumbled.
The hallway was a war zone.
The floor all strewn with rubble.
Though the baby snakes were harmless,
We knew we were in trouble.
Our tender ages saved us.
We learned we crossed a line.
They talked of court and consequences
And preached "moral decline."
But we learned some worthy lessons
Though were left in some confusion.
When our penalty for wagging school
Was to get a week's exclusion.
And though we were repentant
And we did receive a fright,
Others often broke the rules
And their punishment seemed light.
They swore and called the teacher names.
We saw them fight and smoke,
But we learned that day the greater sin
Was to play a practical joke.
Growing Old by Pamela J. Langdon
They said I was an "old fart"
But I hardly think that's true
My boobs were done in '75
But my teeth and knees are new.
And since my eyes were lasered
I have 20/20 sight
Though I like to sit on 50 k
And hate to drive at night.
All in all I object to "old"
But "fart" is another matter
For I think the valves that seal the gas
Now leak as I've got fatter.
To add to the indignity
And make me feel antique
Sometimes when I sneeze or cough
I spring a little leak.
So if you're feeling young and smug
With a body like brand new
Just remember in 30 years
This figure may be you!
The Horse Ride by Annabel Shelia
Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!
The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.
It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.
The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.
My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.
The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.
A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.
Send us your funny poems
Do you know a funny poem that deserves to be on this list? Send us a poem that makes you laugh via our submission page.