List of 115 Funny, Sarcastic, Savage and Creative Insults

Discover our hand-picked mix of funny, clever and savage insults, ranging from old school lines you might have heard years ago to much harsher ones! Use these for friendly banter between friends and family, as icebreakers in social situations, or perhaps if you are feeling brave, try using some of them as flirtatious jabs! (be careful!)

Reminder: These insults are meant to be enjoyed in a playful way! Share some laughter and create moments that, hopefully, do not get too heated...

Quick Navigation

Looking for a specific type of insult? Navigate directly to a category:

• Classic Insults
• Sarcastic Insults
• Intellectual Burns
• Funny Comebacks
• Animal Inspired Insults
• Age / Weight Insults
• Old School Insults
• Brutal Insults
• Stupid People Insults
• Nonsensical insults

Classic Funny insults

1. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
   
2. You’re not lazy; you’re just on your energy-saving mode.
3. I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.
4. If laughter were a currency, you'd be broke.
5. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
   
6. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection, and it's not strong!
7. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
8. Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
9. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
10. You're like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.
11. You have the perfect face for radio.
12. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?

Sarcastic Insults

13. Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid.
    
14. No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
15. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
16. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
17. If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.
18. I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!
19. I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
20. Shock me, say something intelligent.
21. Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission.
22. How old are you? - Wait I shouldn't ask, you can't count that high.

Intellectual Burns

23. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
    
24. You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
25. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
26. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
27. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
28. To make you laugh on Saturday, I need to you joke on Wednesday.
29. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
30. I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
31. You cause joy whenever you go.
32. You’re proof that even evolution can take a few steps back.
33. Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
    

Funny Comebacks

34. Don't worry if I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.
35. I can lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.
    
36. Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
37. If your gonna be two faced, honey at least make one of them pretty.
38. Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there.
39. You get ten times more girls than me? Ten times zero is zero...
40. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
    
41. Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me?
42. If you really spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
43. I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the little voice in my head screaming 'What a load of rubbish!'

Animal Inspired Insults

44. I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
45. You have the multitasking skills of a snail on sedatives.
46. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
47. You're so slow, you make sloths look like Olympic sprinters.
48. All day I thought of you... I was at the zoo.
49. You’re slower than a sloth on a Sunday.
50. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?.
51. You’re like a goldfish: you swim around in circles and forget everything.
52. You are the black sheep of the human race.

Age & Weight Related Insults

53. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
54. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
55. You're so fat, you leave footprints in concrete.
56. You're not being the bigger person, you're just larger.
57. You're so fat, you could sell shade.
58. Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.

Old School Insults

59. You're as useful as a chocolate teapot.
60. You’ve got the personality of a doorstop.
61. Your brain’s like a Swiss cheese—full of holes.
62. You’re about as interesting as watching paint dry.
63. You're so fake, Barbie is jealous.
    
64. Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
65. Why don't you go play in traffic.
66. Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
67. You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
68. You're not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example.
69. You're like a dictionary—old, out of date, and nobody really uses you anymore.
70. I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong.

Brutal & Savage yet funny Insults

71. You’re not ugly; you’re just aesthetically challenged.
72. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull.
    
73. Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
74. Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives, you should go get one.
75. Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.
76. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
77. You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
78. You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
79. You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
80. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
    
81. The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
82. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable... like a coma.
83. Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
84. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
85. Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.
86. Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

Insults for Stupid People

87. You're so gullible, I could sell you air and you'd buy it.
    
88. There is no vaccine against stupidity.
89. So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
90. ou're so clumsy, you could trip over a wireless network.
91. If they had a contest for the most clueless person, you'd probably forget to show up.
92. You're as useful as a waterproof teabag.
    
93. You're not just a clown; you're the entire circus.
94. You're the human equivalent of a participation award.
95. If idiocy were an art form, you'd be a masterpiece.
96. You are the reason a bottle of shampoo has direction.
97. Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.
    
98. You’ve achieved the perfect work-life balance. You’re equally incompetent at both.
99. You're so dumb that you got hit by a parked car.
100. I'm not saying you're stupid, but if there were a zombie apocalypse, you'd be the first to bring a spoon.

Non-Nonsensical insults

101. You have the dance moves of a rubber duck on roller skates.
     
102. You're a marshmallow in a world of pineapples.
103. You have the memory of a goldfish with amnesia.
104. You have the wit of a snail on vacation.
105. You have the fashion sense of a rainbow-colored banana.
106. You're as fierce as a cuddly teddy bear with a permanent smile.
107. You possess the strategic genius of a squirrel playing chess against a walnut.
108. You possess the hunting instincts of a vegetarian shark.
     
109. Your agility is comparable to a turtle on a trampoline.
110. You have the comedic timing of a rubber chicken on a trampoline.
111. You have the problem-solving skills of a confused penguin in a desert.
112. You're a walking dictionary of gibberish and tomfoolery.
113. You're a maestro of the nonsensical symphony, conducting chaos with finesse.
114. Your attention span is shorter than a hummingbird on an espresso binge.
115. You have the comedic timing of a rubber duck hosting a stand-up comedy show.

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We hope these funny insults weren't too savage for you. If they were a bit overwhelming, perhaps you should follow up your insult with a funny compliment or you can change the subject completely and try telling one of our seriously funny jokes.