45 Funny Quotes to Brighten Your Day and Share a Laugh

Life can sometimes be a little too serious, and we all need a good laugh to lighten the mood. Whether you're looking to entertain yourself, share something fun with friends, or add a touch of fun to your next presentation, funny quotes are the way to go. We've compiled a list of 40 hilarious quotes that are sure to bring a smile to your face. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy.

1. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. – Unknown
   
2. I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. – Steven Wright
3. The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake. – Unknown
   
4. Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey
5. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. – Unknown
   
6. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. – Al McGuire
7. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. – Unknown
   
8. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. – Chinese Proverb (with a twist)
9. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. – Unknown
   
10. If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. – Unknown
11. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. – Unknown
    
12. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. – Unknown
13. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too. – Unknown
    
14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything. – Unknown
15. I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you. – Unknown
    
16. I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. – Unknown
17. Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said. – Unknown
    
18. If a book about failure doesn't sell, is it a success? – Jerry Seinfeld
19. I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. – Unknown
    
20. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard
21. Your life can't fall apart if you never had it together! – Unknown
    
22. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers
23. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – Unknown
    
24. Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? – Robin Williams
25. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. – Unknown
    
26. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. – Unknown
27. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. – Unknown
    
28. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. – Unknown
29. I'm not lazy; I'm just on energy-saving mode. – Unknown – Unknown
    
30. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. – Unknown
31. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. – Unknown
    
32. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. – Unknown
33. The answer you're looking for is inside of you, but it's wrong – Unknown
    
34. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. – Unknown
35. One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. – Unknown
    
36. I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman; I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together. – Unknown
37. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs. – Unknown
    
38. The only exercise I get is jumping to conclusions. – Unknown
39. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. – Unknown
    
40. I'm not arguing with you. I'm just explaining why I'm right. – Unknown
41. You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police. — Joan Rivers
42. I'm not crazy; my reality is just different from yours. – Unknown
43. I'm on the seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. – Unknown
44. I'm not late; everyone else is just early. – Unknown
45. I'm not sure if I have free time or if I forgot everything I was supposed to do. – Unknown

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