30 Funny Poems to put a smile on your face

1. Man from Peru

There once was a man from Peru.
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.
He woke up at night.
With a terrible fright.
To find out his dream had come true!

2. School Trip Poem

Our school trip was a special occasion.
But we never reacher our destination.
Instead of the zoo.
I was locked in the loo.
of the toilet at the service station!

3. Elderly man called Keith

An elderly man called Keith.
Mislaid his set of false teeth.
They'd been laid on a chair.
He'd forgot they were there.
Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

4. You are a flower

I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!

5. Soil my plants

When I'm old and mankey.
I'll never use a hanky.
I'll wee on plants.
and soil my pants!

6.Dogs go to heaven

All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there's not a single cat in sight!

7. Face in the mirror

That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face,
And someone else is in my place!

8. Honey and Peas

I eat my peas with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny.
But it keeps them on the knife!

9. She fell in the?

She fell into the bath tub.
she fell into the sink.
she fell into the rasberry jam.
and came out pink!

10. Roses are red but you...

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
God made me pretty.
What happened to you!

11. Young lady of kent

There was a young lady of Kent.
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
She followed her nose,
One day, I suppose,
And no one knows which way she went.

12. Honey bear

If I were a furry bear.
And had a furry tummy.
I'd climb into a honey jar
And make my tummy yummy!

13. A child in Spain

There once was a child in Spain.
Who loved to play in the rain.
One day he tripped.
And broke his hip.
Now he is in serious pain.

14. Fish brains

Last night at dinner we had some fish,
and though I tried, I did not finish.
My mother told me while I chewed,
brains loved fish over all other food.

15. Bad smell

She avoided my eye contact,
and ticked my work in green.
But she knew that her body smells,
were foul and quite obscene.

16. The Foolish Dog

My dog is quite hip.
Except when he takes a dip.
He looks like a fool,
when he jumps in the pool,
and reminds me of a sinking ship.

17. Using this site!

From time to time,
one needs a rhyme,
and if you're bright
you use this website.

18. Pelican's beak

A wonderful bird is the pelican,
His bill will hold more than his belican,
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week

19. Too much sugar

I ate a ton of sugar.
It made me very sweet.
It also amde me very round,
now I can't find my feet.

20. Fat man funny haiku

Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.

21. My sister's pet goldfish

My sister has a pet goldfish,
It's tiny and cute, but quite a dish.
It swims in circles, it blows bubbles,
And it even knows how to juggle!

22. My pet rock Fred

I have a pet rock named Fred,
He sleeps on my pillow in bed.
He doesn't eat, he doesn't bark,
But he's the best pet I've ever had!

23. Bird who played the guitar

I saw a bird who played the guitar,
It strummed and sang, and reached for the stars.
But when it tried to hit a high note,
It squawked and fell off its wooden boat!

24. The boy who loved to play

I once knew a boy who loved to play,
He'd run and jump and shout "hooray!"
But when he tripped and fell on his face,
He learned that sometimes you need a little grace.

25. A snail and a slug

A snail and a slug had a race,
But they moved at such a sluggish pace.
They went on for hours and hours,
And finally, they both took a nap in the flowers!

26. About the Teeth of Sharks

by John Ciardi

The thing about a shark is—teeth,
One row above, one row beneath.

Now take a close look. Do you find
It has another row behind?

Still closer—here, I’ll hold your hat:
Has it a third row behind that?

Now look in and...Look out! Oh my,
I’ll never know now! Well, goodbye.

27. Smart Phone - Dumb User

by Rick W. Cotton

My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not.
Amazing what all this here smart phone has got.
TV and Weather and Internet, too.
There's just no limits to what it can do.
Check my blood pressure and my temperature
Without even probing all my apertures.
I now know the time in Paris or Greece.
I can track the migration of thousands of geese
Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map.
Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at?
A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots
Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not).
Push this here button and take me a "selfie."
(If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?)
Email to pester with, video to shoot,
Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot!
A compass to guide me home if I'm lost.
Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!).
The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell.
What he would have thought of it, no one can tell,
But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw.
Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe,
They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all
...But how do I just simply make a phone call?

28, The Snakes at School

by Pamela J. Langdon

It wasn't that we hated school.
The creek enticed us more.
My mate and I hung out there
To chase frogs, catch fish, explore.

One day we built a fortress,
Moved rocks and tied some stakes.
Then we saw a wondrous sight -
A ball of baby snakes.

We should have pondered longer,
But we thought our find so cool.
We stuffed the snakes into our bags
And took them back to school.

Just as the school bell jangled
And the halls began to fill,
We flung the snakes along the floor.
Then screams rang loud and shrill.

We expected just a ripple,
A tiny bit of fun.
Some girls might get a little fright
And some may even run.

Instead, it was a tidal wave.
Chairs and lockers tumbled
As kids and teachers panicked.
Our confidence soon crumbled.

The hallway was a war zone.
The floor all strewn with rubble.
Though the baby snakes were harmless,
We knew we were in trouble.

Our tender ages saved us.
We learned we crossed a line.
They talked of court and consequences
And preached "moral decline."

But we learned some worthy lessons
Though were left in some confusion.
When our penalty for wagging school
Was to get a week's exclusion.

And though we were repentant
And we did receive a fright,
Others often broke the rules
And their punishment seemed light.

They swore and called the teacher names.
We saw them fight and smoke,
But we learned that day the greater sin
Was to play a practical joke.

29. Growing Old

by Pamela J. Langdon

They said I was an "old fart"
But I hardly think that's true
My boobs were done in '75
But my teeth and knees are new.

And since my eyes were lasered
I have 20/20 sight
Though I like to sit on 50 k
And hate to drive at night.

All in all I object to "old"
But "fart" is another matter
For I think the valves that seal the gas
Now leak as I've got fatter.

To add to the indignity
And make me feel antique
Sometimes when I sneeze or cough
I spring a little leak.

So if you're feeling young and smug
With a body like brand new
Just remember in 30 years
This figure may be you!

30. The Horse Ride

by Annabel Shelia

Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.