85 Doctor Doctor Jokes That'll Make You Laugh

"Doctor Doctor" jokes are a type of joke that kids really enjoy and many of us heard growing up! They are based of a patient asking their doctor a question, and the doctor responding with a funny answer. Enjoy our large collection and share some giggles with the whole family!

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• Pun Based
• Silly Situations
• Animal Related
• Sarcastic and Blunt

Classic Pun based

1. Doctor, Doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money! Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning.
   
2. Doctor, Doctor, I'm shrinking! I'm sorry sir, you'll have to be a little patient.
3. Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish!
4. Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me out! Certainly, which way did you come in?
5. Doctor, Doctor, My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! Let's hope nothing develops.
6. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a yo-yo. Are you stringing me along!
7. Doctor, Doctor, I’m addicted to brake fluid! Nonsense man, you can stop anytime.
8. Doctor, Doctor, I'm having trouble sleeping. Try sleeping at the edge of the bed, you'll soon drop off.
   
9. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a brain! Don't worry, it's all in your head!
10. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a snooker ball. Get to the end of the queue.
11. Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a pair of curtains! Well, you better pull yourself together!
12. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a window! Show me where the pane is.
13. Doctor, Doctor, will this cream clear up my spots? I never make rash promises!
14. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like biscuits! The ones you put butter on? Yes! Oh, you're crackers!
15. Doctor, Doctor, I keep stealing things! Have you taken anything for it?
16. Doctor, Doctor, the relationship with my boyfriend who has a wooden leg is over. Oh, did you break it off?
17. Doctor, Doctor, my teeth keep falling out... I’m sure we can get to the root of the problem.
18. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like I’m a calendar! Your days are numbered!

Silly Situations

19. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a telephone. Well, take these pills and if they don't work then give me a ring!
    
20. Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit down and tell me about it. I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture
21. Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing pink and green dots in front of my eyes. Have you ever seen an optician? No, just pink and green dots.
22. Doctor, Doctor, since the operation I can't feel my legs. That's because we've amputated your hands.
23. Doctor, Doctor, I can’t stop wearing see-through trousers. Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts!
24. Doctor, Doctor, I feel a stabbing pain in my eye every time I drink tea! Have you tried taking the spoon out?
25. Doctor, Doctor, I think I need glasses! You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
26. Doctor, Doctor, I've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite!
27. Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me. Next please!
28. Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop singing Tom Jones songs; is it common? It's not unusual...
29. Doctor, Doctor, I seem to have lost my memory! When did this happen? When did what happen?
30. Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me, I just can't stop my hands shaking! Do you drink a lot? Not really, I spill most of it!
31. Doctor, Doctor, I've got a steering wheel in my underwear. It's driving me nuts!
    
32. Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing into the future. Really? When did this start? Next Tuesday.
33. Doctor, Doctor, they've removed me from the cricket team, they call me butterfingers! Don't worry, what you have is not catching
34. Doctor, Doctor, I snore so loud I keep myself awake. Sleep in another room then!
35. Doctor, Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Next time, take off the candles.
36. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday?
37. Doctor, Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running? Stick your foot out and trip it up!
38. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a strawberry! Let me give you some cream for that.
39. Doctor, Doctor, will I be able to play tennis after the surgery? Yes. Good, because I couldn't before.
40. Doctor, Doctor, I hurt everywhere! Wherever I poke myself with my finger there's a terrible pain! That's because you've broken your finger.
41. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sewing machine! Would you like the nurse to give you some stitches?-
42. Doctor, Doctor, everyone says I am invisible! Who said that!?
43. Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a banana. Well, that's not very a-peeling!
44. Doctor, Doctor, My daughter thinks that she is a refrigerator. Leave her alone for a few days, she wants to chill out.
45. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like chopped up carrots. Now don't go getting yourself in a stew.
46. Doctor, Doctor, I can't seem to control my temper. Pardon? ARE YOU DEAF!? (shouting)
47. Doctor, Doctor, I can only use the elevator. Why’s that? I feel the stairs are always up to something.
48. Doctor, Doctor, my nose is bleeding Did you pick your nose? No, I was born with it.
49. Doctor, Doctor, I have a big problem, please help me out... Certainly. Which way did you come in?

Animal Related

50. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm turning into a pony? Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think. You're just a little hoarse.
    
51. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!
52. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps!
53. Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a cat! How long have you felt like this? Since I was a kitten!
54. Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a snail. Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!
55. Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
56. Doctor, Doctor, I've swallowed a fish bone. Are you choking? No, I really did!
57. Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar! Don't worry, you'll soon change...
58. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like I am a bear! How long have you felt like this? Ever since I was a cub.
59. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a cat. Well what are you doing here? Go down the road to the vet!
60. Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a caterpillar! Just get in line, please.
61. Doctor, Doctor, I can’t help thinking I’m a goat. How long have you felt like this? Patient: Since I was a kid.
62. Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bee. Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

Sarcastic and Blunt

63. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later.
    
64. Doctor, Doctor, I'm at death's door! Don't worry, we'll soon pull you through.
65. Doctor, Doctor, I've broken my arm in three places. Then don't go to those places
66. Doctor, Doctor, Can I have second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow!
67. Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking there is two of me! One at a time please.
68. Doctor, Doctor, my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible! What sister?
69. Doctor, Doctor, I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there!
70. Doctor, Doctor, everyone thinks I'm a liar... I can't believe that!
71. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a bridge! What’s come over you? 2 buses, 4 cars and a motor bike!
72. Doctor, Doctor, I have double vision, I am seeing two of everything. Take a seat on the chair there. Which one?
73. Doctor, Doctor, I am unable to keep track of time. Yes, your appointment is in 3 days time...
74. Doctor, Doctor, I keep getting these uncontrollable urges to steal things. Take two of these tablets every day and if they don't work, can you get me a television?
    
75. Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming that there are scary aliens playing monopoly under my bed. What should I do? Hide the monopoly.
76. Doctor, Doctor, I stood on a LEGO! Try to block out the pain.
77. Doctor, Doctor, I’m afraid of hurdles. Don’t worry, you’ll get over it.
78. Doctor, Doctor, I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee. Have you tried taking the spoon out?
79. Doctor, Doctor, I snore so loud that I keep myself awake. Sleep in another room then!
80. Doctor, Doctor, I injured myself whilst tap dancing. Oh, did you fall in the sink?
81. Doctor, Doctor, I’m really bad at telling chemistry jokes. Why’s that? I can never get any reaction
82. Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m allergic to hair colourings.It sounds serious but at least you won’t dye.
83. Doctor, Doctor, I was hit on the neck with a sieve. Did you strain it?
84. Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming I’m a car! How do you feel in the morning? Exhausted and Tyred!
85. Doctor, Doctor, I think I’m a pair of sneakers! Take it one step at a time.

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We hope you enjoyed these fun doctor doctor jokes, if you are looking for more family friendly fun check out one of our recommended funny pages below:

• Tongue Twisters
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• Funny Jokes List