List of 65 Seriously Funny Jokes as ranked by you!
Last Updated: October 13, 2024
Welcome to our collection of carefully selected, side-splitting jokes that have been ranked based on your votes. Our team has scoured the world of humor to bring you the best of the best. These short and uproarious jokes are chosen with one goal in mind: to tickle your funny bone and bring laughter to not only your life but also the lives of your friends and family. So, get ready to share a chuckle and brighten your day.
Jokes voted by you!Every month, we update this list to prioritize the funniest jokes. Help us improve the page by voting on how funny you find the jokes. Click the thumbs-up icon if you found the joke funny or the thumbs-down icon if you thought the joke wasn't as good as expected.
Quick Navigation
Looking for a specific type of pick-up line? Navigate directly to your preferred category:
Highest ranking Jokes
Below, you'll find ten really funny jokes which have recieved the most votes from our visitors!
- Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
- Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.
- I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
- The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
- My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
- My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
- I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors, it's just something I could really see myself doing.
- I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Newly Added Jokes
With each update, we will add new jokes below. These jokes have either been submitted to us, or we have found them funny enough to share with you. You can vote on the jokes if you find them funny. If a joke receives enough votes, we'll add it to the page.
- How does Jesus make coffee? Hebrews it.
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan!
- what does Zeus wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
Jokes to be Removed
The jokes listed below have received continuous downvotes over the past few months. If you still find them funny and believe they should remain on our list, please give them a thumbs-up. If you think they should be removed, vote them down. If these jokes continue to be disliked by you, we'll remove them from this list.
- What wears a coat in winter and pants in the summer? A dog!
Funny Jokes
Here is the full list of funny jokes, these jokes didn't make the top ten but we still found them very funny!
- What does a grape say when it's squashed? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
- Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. I still don’t know how I feel about that.
- I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
- My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
- I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it's really hard to find good players.
- My wife says I'm getting fatter, but in my defence, I've had a lot on my plate recently.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
- I'm reading a horror story in braille, something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
- Why did it take so long for the pirates to learn the Alphabet? They got stuck at C.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
- Why is there a fence around a cemetery? People are dying to get in.
- Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.
- What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
- I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- Why was the picture sent to jail? It was framed.
- When do doctors get angry? When they run out of patients.
- I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.
- My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"
- Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
- And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster.
- How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
- Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
- I taught my pet wolf how to meditate. Now he's aware wolf.
- Two antennas got married.. the ceremony was ok, but the reception was excellent.
- What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
- How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
- Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
- When will the little snake arrive? I don't know but he won't be long...
- What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
- Thieves have stolen 20 crates of red bull from the supermarket. I don't know how these people sleep at night.
- My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
- My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
- Did you hear about the baguette at the zoo? It was bread in captivity.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? They woke him up.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
- I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
- How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
- When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?
- How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket!
- What has three letters and starts with gas. A Car.
- Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
- My friends bakery burnt down yesterday. Now his business is toast.
- What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Because he couldn't control his pupils!
- Somebody stole my microsoft office and they're going to pay - you have my Word.
- Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
- I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him go faster, if anything it made him more sluggish.
- Just remember - you never really completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
More Jokes & Puns
Looking for more humorous content? Check our some of our other popular pages below:
Submit your funny jokes to us
If you know of a funny joke which you think deserves to be on our list then don't hestitate to send it to us via our submission page. If we think the joke is good we'll add it to this page!