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110 Funniest Dad Jokes of all time

Dad jokes are groan-worthy jokes, told by fathers lacking a sense of humour. We've created a list of funny dad jokes including cringey puns and dad-to-son jokes.

    Dad joke about restaurant on the moon.
  1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  2. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
  3. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
  4. I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
  5. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  6. Did you hear about the baguette at the zoo? It was bread in captivity.
  7. How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
  8. What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos
  9. Bad puns are how eye roll.
  10. What do you call a can opener that's broken? A Can't opener.
  11. Scarecrow dad joke
  12. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  13. Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
  14. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
  15. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
  16. My friend has designed an invisible aeroplane but I can't see it taking off.
  17. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
  18. Son: Dad, did you get a haircut? Dad: No I got them all cut.
  19. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  20. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
  21. I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
  22. Don’t trust stairs, they’re always up to something.
  23. Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
  24. I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick, she still isn't talking to me.
  25. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
  26. I built an electric fence around my garden and my neighbour is dead against it.
  27. Whoever stole my antidepressants I hope you are happy now.
  28. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"
  29. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  30. Son: Dad can you put on my shoes for me? Dad: I'll try but they might not fit!
  31. My wife accused me of having zero empathy. I don't understand how she can feel that way.
  32. Funny dad joke about a psychic
  33. What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
  34. My wife asked me if "I was listening to her", strange way to start a conservation.
  35. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.
  36. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts
  37. Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Dad: No sun.
  38. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
  39. A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
  40. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.
  41. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
  42. Son: Dad, can you put the cat out? Dad: I didn't know it was on fire.
  43. My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don't listen and something else...
  44. My wife told me i need to stop behaving like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  45. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  46. Son: I'll call you later. Dad: Don't call me later, call me Dad.
  47. I like waiters, they bring a lot to the table.
  48. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
  49. My wife is like a newspaper, a new issue everyday.
  50. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
  51. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
  52. What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A Slipper.
  53. Wife: Stop being an idiot. Just be yourself. Me: Make your mind up!
  54. My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently.
  55. I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better.
  56. Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in.
  57. I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks tell them I'm outstanding.
  58. You should always knock on the fridge before opening it just in case there's a salad dressing.
  59. Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, I don't think they'll fit me.
  60. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out, had drinks and he's a web designer.
  61. A guy tried to sell me a mirror but I knew it was a scam, I could see right through it.
  62. I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.
  63. I once ate a dictionary, it gave me thesaurus throat I've ever had.
  64. I would avoid the sushi if I was you, it’s a little fishy.
  65. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
  66. My 3 favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
  67. You know what actually makes me smile? My facial muscles.
  68. I am reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it.
  69. I spent $100 on a new belt that didn't even fit, my wife said it was a huge waist.
  70. I hate it when people say age is only a number, age is clearly a word.
  71. Son: Dad, I'm hungry! Dad: Hi Hungry, I'm Dad.
  72. Funny joke about a kidnapping
  73. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
  74. I have this strange talent that I can always guess what's inside a wrapped present - It's a gift.
  75. Sundays are always a little sad but, the day before is a sadder day.
  76. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
  77. I left my wife because she was obsessed with counting. I wonder what she's up to now?
  78. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
  79. I went to the store to pick up 8 cans of Sprite. When I got home I realised I'd only picked 7up.
  80. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  81. What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
  82. I purchased a deodorant stick today, instructions say "remove cap and push up buttom" I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely.
  83. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
  84. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
  85. Today my wife left me because I am insecure. Oh wait! She's back, she went to get coffee.
  86. My wife changed a lot when she went vegan, it's like I never knew herbivore.
  87. A man is washing the car with his son. Son: "Dad can't you just use a sponge?"
  88. Son: How much do all of our bones weigh? Dad: A Skele-ton.
  89. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
  90. A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night, oof.
  91. To the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts.
  92. Son: How do I look? Dad: With your eyes.
  93. I know a lot of jokes about retired people but none of them work.
  94. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  95. 2 years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf, I haven't heard from him since.
  96. Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
  97. As i suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
  98. Son: There’s something in my eye. Dad: Looks like an eyeball!
  99. After you die what part of your body is the last to stop working? Your pupils, they dilate.
  100. Saturday and Sunday are strong days because the others are just weekdays.
  101. I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
  102. How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.
  103. Dark is spelled with a C not a K because you can't C in the dark.
  104. Did you hear about the guy who cut off the left side of his body? He's all right now.
  105. I was gonna tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
  106. I was driving my bread car and it caught alight, now it's toast.
  107. I just swapped our bed for a trampoline, my wife hit the roof.
  108. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
  109. You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trum-pet.
  110. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
  111. Based upon my shameful behaviour after drinking, I finally decided to quit drinking altogether. Now I drink alone.
  112. I have a fear of elevators, I'm taking steps to avoid them.
  113. How does a meteorologist go up a mountain? They climate.
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